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Being unemployed gives you time to think. It is a rare opportunity to reflect on who you are, and who you plan to become. Financial difficulty is a life defining experience when faced with homelessness. I have a belief that everything happens for a reason. Having a chance to live outside of and observe a system we strive to be a part of, which will eventually destroy us gives life a new perspective. At times deep in thought I remind myself that the test of success is graded in your ability to face failure. As a young man aspiring to be a rapper I often wrote of my fear of failure, and my desire to succeed. It wasn't until age 30 on a windy October day that I embraced the idea; stagnation is like dying, all successes in life, love, and finance involve risk and accountability for your actions. The fear of failure is the same as the fear of success.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Black Devil


I saw the devil in the smile of a black man once
Evil spread when his lips parted
Like crescent moons on Turkish flags
Revealing 32 white horses
A proud cavalry brigade of words
Behind a Pickets charge of syllables
Falling incoherent like Islamic prayers
On the ears of Christians
Yet there is no word for forgiveness
In the language of God


Ask your heart how to love at arms length
When your hands have yet to embrace
We are living civil war tactics
Counter insurgencies crossed with crucifixes
Prematurely imploding like suicidal suicide bombers
We've become timer tick
Turned itchy trigger finger
Pirates in police cruisers
Courageously crusading against our own image



We are puppets
That bring our own nooses
To old fashioned
Southern Baptist
Lynching parties
Pulpit pastors save souls
With boot heels and rifle butts


Beat me in the head with this book
Call it good call it God
Bashed brains and native tongues silenced
For America the free
To save the expense of a few bullets





I look at myself in mirrors that turn blackboard
My humanity is a chalk outline
A hollow reminder of something already dead
Tears shed become oceans of regret
If Gods voice is as thunder
No wonder we only welcome
Blue skies and sunshine



There is a black smudge
On my crisp white self image
Some days I just wish
I could leave my skin tone at home


Our leaders become riffles
In the hands of our oppressors
There is a little Uncle Ruckus in all of us
I bet if I was white I'd feel a little more American
A little luckier, a bit happier


What would you know of Jihad
Every day is a Holy war
Between my heart and my head
My hands ache for my own blood
But suicide is a sin


This is for everyone
Whoever stared into a mirror
And hated themselves
America will make you that way
No wonder God blesses her
She raises white devils with black skin
Who can't do anything but hate everything


I see the proof in the mirror
And when I smile at the irony of it all
The devil in my reflection laughs back

And calls me nigger
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3 comments:

  1. AnonymousApril 3, 2012 at 12:18 PM

    Chris,
    I could sit here and tell you how PROFOUND I deem this to be. I could say how moving and delightful, it was to read. How you possess the ability to convey your thoughts by painting them with such a wide spectrum of metaphors yet keeping the reader fined tune on the subject at hand. When I finished saying all that it wouldn't seem sufficient.
    Black Devil, DEMONstrates how the "satanical apple" (Black man) falls not far from the "santanical tree" (America)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousApril 3, 2012 at 12:25 PM

      Because I can only post under Anonymous I meant to include my name....Carlene Gist

      Delete
  2. Karen E. DabneyApril 3, 2012 at 10:44 PM

    WoW! Chris!
    Thanks for making sure I saw this!
    So frighteningly true horrific ugliness guised in beautiful prose.
    ~Karen

    ReplyDelete

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