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Being unemployed gives you time to think. It is a rare opportunity to reflect on who you are, and who you plan to become. Financial difficulty is a life defining experience when faced with homelessness. I have a belief that everything happens for a reason. Having a chance to live outside of and observe a system we strive to be a part of, which will eventually destroy us gives life a new perspective. At times deep in thought I remind myself that the test of success is graded in your ability to face failure. As a young man aspiring to be a rapper I often wrote of my fear of failure, and my desire to succeed. It wasn't until age 30 on a windy October day that I embraced the idea; stagnation is like dying, all successes in life, love, and finance involve risk and accountability for your actions. The fear of failure is the same as the fear of success.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Long Kiss Goodnight

If I could stain my lips with words
Press them to your soul
You would know
I just want to breathe life in you
Goodbye would never be an option
This poem would only be a long kiss goodnight

I close my eyes and remember us
Rooftops rain drops and long island iced tea
There are alternate universes somewhere
Our hearts don't battle
On fragile thresholds of happiness
No one has a right to use I love you as a weapon

I wish I could disarm myself
There is an armistice agreement
In my head my heart wont adhere to
How many times can apologies heal wounds
My hands were meant to hold you
My grip bruises your beauty

How abusive have I become
I wish I wasn't the man I am
Demon within an angel
I am bright yellow turning faded grey
:ike late summer sunsets
Dandelions make pitiful roses
I just wanted to be something beautiful to you

If then could be tomorrow I'd chase the sun
Flail at fright less night falls
Absurdly trying to catch your smile
I have to dream to be with you
You make me want to sleep forever

I was never alive till we met
Incomplete till I held you
Your absence is the everything I'm missing
Having nothing doesn't compare to losing you
I want to be the nothing we pretend is between us

But I feel you
When the world is quiet
Or my eyes are closed
Something pulling at me
It unravels the weaves
I use to hold it together

I fall to pieces
Pray I'm not worthless
Find a penny pick me up
Wish I were a real boy
I am a wood head
Half hollow and hard too
If you ask me do I love you
I will never lie

Yes
Today
Tomorrow
Always
You are so much more than everything
Yet I can only offer you a long kiss goodnight
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