Welcome

Being unemployed gives you time to think. It is a rare opportunity to reflect on who you are, and who you plan to become. Financial difficulty is a life defining experience when faced with homelessness. I have a belief that everything happens for a reason. Having a chance to live outside of and observe a system we strive to be a part of, which will eventually destroy us gives life a new perspective. At times deep in thought I remind myself that the test of success is graded in your ability to face failure. As a young man aspiring to be a rapper I often wrote of my fear of failure, and my desire to succeed. It wasn't until age 30 on a windy October day that I embraced the idea; stagnation is like dying, all successes in life, love, and finance involve risk and accountability for your actions. The fear of failure is the same as the fear of success.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

What I'm Supposed To

I am not supposed to love you
There are wrecked relationships between us
Childlike and fighting sleep
We haven't yet put them to bed
Leaving warm spots where they once laid
They are a reminder how empty the world can be

 You are not supposed to be here
Dancing through my thoughts
As if those fields of happiness
Were not filled with landmines
Your image plays on my burial grounds
I am still haunted by the past
Perhaps that is why I hadn't noticed till now

You're not supposed to fit so easily
In jigsaw dreams
Where your words complete puzzles
Leaving complicated pictures
Too ugly to catch gazes
Too beautiful to look away from
We would be the masterpiece
Critics questioned for years

 I was not supposed to notice you
You were misplaced in my heart long ago
Like coins beneath couch cushions
Your value out of sight out of mind
Just beyond my reach
Like your face when we are close
Never knowing what I am missing

 I am not supposed to dream of kissing you
Your lips should not be the soft pink planet
I want to make my gravity
You should only find friendship in my arms
But they long to comfort you
In times of intimate abandon
When the rest of the world means nothing

 You are not supposed to be here
Where I hear your voice instead of hers
Soothing secrets I would never share
Making it all better with that smile
I could forget it all and fall forever with you
Hoping to land softly on your heart
Not to make you forget
But to remind you
It still beats the color of love
And your love is beautiful

 You are not supposed to be here
But you are
I hope you stay a while


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